a bait of memory

Ia mengisap rokok dalam-dalam. Aroma tembakau meluruhi ruangan.
"So whats the deal?" tanyanya.

Tak habis pikir aku sama sekali. Striker maniak macam dia bisa selalu menghabiskan tidak kurang dua bungkus rokok per hari.

"Kamu boleh ngudut tapi sebanyak aku saja," jawabku.

"You're not a smoker," katanya mengejek.
"I do smoke."
"Eventually, yes... Hahaha" ia mengacak ringan rambutku.
"At least try," aku melunak juga.
Tawa lagi. Namun ia tidak membantah. Maupun bicara sepatah.
Sebab saat bercakap dianggapnya sudah selesai.
It's a time for unspoken words.
Tangannya bergerak meraih gitar yang tergeletak di tempat tidur, lalu memainkannya.

I think there'll come a day when I won't miss or wonder about him anymore. But I guess today won't be it. Every atom of me miss him; so schlecht.

tuning up

anything you lose
comes in another form
another day
another way
another rhyme
another dance
another chance
another long, warm embrace

so do not grieve
see you there.

please do not grieve.

fraternity forum

Lord jehovah
we extole Thee
we sing your praise
among the nations

drawing us into the
holiest communion

Elom Angelika
Yosafat Zebd Jacinda
Pirene Lizbeth Anselmus
Kay Trish Xu Savigno

destruction

Tapi, mengapa harus selalu datang padaku yang terlarang?, bisiknya pada kegelapan.
Cinta yang terlarang dirasakannya seumpama buah yang memicu reaksi racun dalam saliva ketika ditelan. Buahnya sendiri sempurna tiada bercacat. Membuat liur terbersit. Ia selalu tergoda untuk mencicip.
Sedikit, segigit. Adiktif.
Lalu terjerat ia karena buah itu jahat—kejahatan tersembunyi.

Setelah menjerumuskannya dalam neraka tak bertepi, cinta itu menguap lenyap. Dirinya ditinggal, menjadi korban tunggal, seolah memang ia anak bengal yang layak dipenggal. Ia tidak mendapatkan peluang membeberkan alasan, atau menjelaskan.
Semua didoktrin hitam dan putih. Hanya ada lapisan teratas dan terbawah tanpa tengah.

Pun ia merasa dikhianati.
Sebab aforisme cinta berbalik menyerang, meracuni, menghabisi. Ia terhempas oleh kepercayaannya akan cinta yang sakra.
Kepercayaan yang telah dibangun melalui masa-masa pergulatan yang mewaktu.

Bahwa semua itu bermula pada hari-hari ketika hukum tentang cinta pertama kali dinubuatkan, membuat segalanya lebih buruk. Hukum tersebut mendefinisi siapa yang harus dicintai. Dan bagaimana caranya. Dan seberapa banyak. Kepicikan pragmatis.

_______________

catatan: merupakan alinea-alinea pada bab pertama novel TSDB, and been published here for sentimental reason

alligator/plagiator

Dua orang sahabat yang bersahabat erat, sebegitu erat, begitu erat sampai terasa mengharukan....sulit dipercaya ternyata ialah rendahan tidak berharga.
Camkan, I WILL HATE YOU TIL MY DYING DAY.

You should shame on yourselves.
Provided you can't have your word, don't use other's.
Sometimes we do borrow or quote another people's words, but definitely not in sort of cheap way.

Originality is one, big, prime. Genuine. No excuse for stealing.

For this fleeting earth sake! As a student in journalism school that suppose to know the rule of plagiarism, the boundary line >> just admit you are that disgusting.

Und un-involved me from your fancy friendship since I'm sick of its fuck fake. Heaven bless your servile dirt souls.

pure embodied spirit

good morning, dearest shooting star (altho there now you're up to midnight..)

thank you for the call last night, it's such bliss. a treasure moment, even a briefest moment i spent with you.
to hear your voice is reminiscing.

gazing each other, consideration hits me.
that am missing you on highest dose, where reasons are totally beyond.
i miss the valley. i miss the stone. i miss the weather. i miss the ting-a-ling. i miss the bench. i miss the poured rain. i miss your hand in my hair. i miss your existence, the most.

but i slept with smile.
because knowing you are last person i talked to before i end my day, does soothe.

they said to love is to receive a glimpse of heaven, i think it is.
every fear faded. entire friendshit matter, all faded. can always i turn to you.

(*) anw, i make this so not complicated that you shall just sit, start reading, and feel loved. understand you goin' through hard days and nights too. this's simply just a little note to remain, us as certain. for utter blank future probably?

letter from a cello bliss

aku akan
memainkan sebuah sonata
dengan serunai

brahms dan tchaikovsky
wagner dan chopin
mozart yang dinamis
bahkan claudio monteverde

persetan cemooh orang
kamu juga belum lahir pada zaman zaman itu

semua telah lama ada, dan masih dipertahankan
sebab keindahan tak lekang oleh waktu
kelak kita menyebutnya budaya

lestarikan jangan lupakan
abadikan jangan abaikan

tapi kenyataan mematri sesuatu yang paradoks

hanya negeri dengan namanya sendiri yang memelihara budaya
untuk satu ini swasta tak punya fasilitas fakultas

dasar feodal
umpat segelintir badut

urban metropolis sinting
masyarakat kapitalis kotor

upaya ini lebih bernilai
dari kekosongan yang mengakari hidup kalian
terutama akhir-akhir ini
mau diasong kemana kepala berisi melulu materi?

(( ))

tapi kamu tidak bisa meniup serunai, kak

sela adikku

aku mendengus
kalau demikian,
akan kubawa celloku sampai vienna
lalu memainkan indonesia raya

sumbangsih sepenuh hati
kepada bangsa yang berarti.

painfully but finally

Don't stand too close to me.

We just hurt each other.

Keep hurting. Each another. How can you not see.

Watch the distant, would you?

there is no such thing like a new beginning, all we have is, an old wound

that never gonna ever disappear

while fall calls

Fool, do you think anyone’s born either as or to be cynical?

Blame society for its cruel
Blame those untrusted human beings
Blame packs of pseudo-friend about sharing some reciprocal intimacies

Blame civilized system which causes irritation in all aspect of fundamental gratification
Blame the victory of competing who has the biggest ego

Blame morons who are unable to see harmony of diversity
Blame stupidity of seniority

Blame big town that has cut e v er y th i ng



Blame Stuttgart ;
for snatchingstealing
for takingtearing
from me
my solely radiance

BLAME SOCIETY
For its cruel has successfully ruined me
For now I feel just empty
*blame few shots I've drunk.

keep retorting

Even perfect woman (if there’s one of a kind) is human still.
Her capability of healing is not unlimited.

Quoted
“How can I live when we’re parted?”
“All we need is space; it is spaciousness all we hold.”
“Forgive my earthly possession.”
“Fail to understand how perfect love can be confounded out of hand.”
“One more longing backward glance.”
“I just want our time to be slower and gentler.”

She knew he needs her. He needs her to know him.
He needs her anyway. Screw it.

Different perspectives. Similar aims.
And after the acute aches of faint sacrificies, in five timeless years, yeah, yeah, what’s on earth they will put any concern in that.

In the end, neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, not powers will separate them. Virtus, concordia, fides.

innuendo

Even if I start all over again
It does nothing to stop this pain
Hardly say, but seems everything is in vain

Counting days with sorrow
While there's no more you I know
Grasp each and grow

Distance used to make us wiser
Walk a leap further climb a step higher
From the convent murmur little prayer

Righteousness is indisputable
Couldn't just take it as simple
Be utterly humble

Since I'm not servant of your ego
I'm not servant of any one's ego
We must let go.