Kalayan asmana Rama sareng Putra sareng Ruh Suci. Hamin.
Kanjeng Rama nu jumeneng di suwarga,
mugi dimulyakeun jenengan Gusti,
mugi sumping kerajaan Gusti,
mugi kalaksanakeun pangersa Gusti,
di dunya sapertos di sawarga.
Mugi gusti maparim rejeki ka abdi sadaya dina dinten ieu.
Sareng mugi Gusti ngahapunten kalepatan abdi sadaya,
sapertos abdi sadaya oge ngahapunten kanu garaduh kalepatan ka abdi..
Sareng mugi Gusti ulah ngalabetkeun abdi sadaya kana panggoda,
nanging mugi Gusti ngalepaskeun abdi saya tina kaawonan. Hamin.
July 2, 2011
based on true experience
hopelessly life of some people are containing no meaning.
they need to adopt another people's life.
likely they love the idea that their life has been added with value. even though the thinking is staying in das sollen. those people are unsurprisingly idiot.
then pity, they usually do not fix it. (they can't). once again only idiocy rules, yes, here. and considering that disappointing scene of fact, don't talk furthermore about self-identity. do you expect they have any?
my honest biggest question at last. if your life is just as meaningless as you, why should you live any effing way? what for?
they need to adopt another people's life.
likely they love the idea that their life has been added with value. even though the thinking is staying in das sollen. those people are unsurprisingly idiot.
then pity, they usually do not fix it. (they can't). once again only idiocy rules, yes, here. and considering that disappointing scene of fact, don't talk furthermore about self-identity. do you expect they have any?
my honest biggest question at last. if your life is just as meaningless as you, why should you live any effing way? what for?
faithful fiction (ii)
Teresa to Huda
We will make it.
Because we know entirely, what we fight.
Cerita kita juga sama, muasal dan tujuan. Dingin yang sama, hangat yang sama.
Adalah sekelumit abstraksi yang membuat aku mencintaimu. Tapi abstraksi ini tak rumit, tak sempit. Hanya seolah ada nada-nada pentatonis yang memberikan kenyamanan saat dibunyikan.
Kerelaan ini. Keredaan ini.
I want to be in your embrace forever. For love of us is a significant gratia of the Original. It is not disastrous ignominy.
I breath it. I wear it. We will make it.
We will make it.
Because we know entirely, what we fight.
Cerita kita juga sama, muasal dan tujuan. Dingin yang sama, hangat yang sama.
Adalah sekelumit abstraksi yang membuat aku mencintaimu. Tapi abstraksi ini tak rumit, tak sempit. Hanya seolah ada nada-nada pentatonis yang memberikan kenyamanan saat dibunyikan.
Kerelaan ini. Keredaan ini.
I want to be in your embrace forever. For love of us is a significant gratia of the Original. It is not disastrous ignominy.
I breath it. I wear it. We will make it.
October 26, 2010
faithful fiction
Huda to Teresa
Di dalam relung-relung mimpiku yang paling purba kamu hadir. Mimpi yang muncul mengiris malam dengan keji yang manis. Dan kekosongan alam terkuak oleh kemurnianmu, yang mengisinya penuh. Tidakkah aku bintang pada sebidang langit yang bersih.
Padepokan-padepokan itu saksinya. Kalau kelak, entah kapan, orang-orang akan sadar dan bertanya. Saat ini mereka limbung dan kata-kata mereka tidak berarti lebih daripada sebuah khilaf. Pendopo, dan serambi, bakal bicara. Singkap semua.
Setiap kubik ruangan mengandung keagungan, kekuatan, kesucian. Tiupan ketuntasan bagi hati yang sejati. Kutemukan kamu ada padanya. Sahaya bercahaya. Setelahnya namamu selalu dalam dzikirku. Tak putus saling menyapa raga serta jiwa. Menyelami ganjaran kemustahilan yang semakin terasa berkah. Kita. Kamu kentara, aku alpa.
Sebab kamu adalah dirimu, entitas yang terbentuk melalui setubuh keikutsertaanku. Seperti suatu komposisi garapan, layaknya suatu sistem terintervensi. Aku berbagi denganmu pada tumpu ajaran pasrah yang turah dan benih yang kasih.
Pun kita punya obsesi yang sama tentang terpenjara di balik tembok pagar berjeruji. Jeruji yang justru memelihara kita tak tersentuh, dari tata fana, bebaskan kita nuju pencarian pulang bumi. Menuliskan jilid kedua humanitas, buat mengganti seri yang lama yang musnah telah.
Di dalam relung-relung mimpiku yang paling purba kamu hadir. Mimpi yang muncul mengiris malam dengan keji yang manis. Dan kekosongan alam terkuak oleh kemurnianmu, yang mengisinya penuh. Tidakkah aku bintang pada sebidang langit yang bersih.
Padepokan-padepokan itu saksinya. Kalau kelak, entah kapan, orang-orang akan sadar dan bertanya. Saat ini mereka limbung dan kata-kata mereka tidak berarti lebih daripada sebuah khilaf. Pendopo, dan serambi, bakal bicara. Singkap semua.
Setiap kubik ruangan mengandung keagungan, kekuatan, kesucian. Tiupan ketuntasan bagi hati yang sejati. Kutemukan kamu ada padanya. Sahaya bercahaya. Setelahnya namamu selalu dalam dzikirku. Tak putus saling menyapa raga serta jiwa. Menyelami ganjaran kemustahilan yang semakin terasa berkah. Kita. Kamu kentara, aku alpa.
Sebab kamu adalah dirimu, entitas yang terbentuk melalui setubuh keikutsertaanku. Seperti suatu komposisi garapan, layaknya suatu sistem terintervensi. Aku berbagi denganmu pada tumpu ajaran pasrah yang turah dan benih yang kasih.
Pun kita punya obsesi yang sama tentang terpenjara di balik tembok pagar berjeruji. Jeruji yang justru memelihara kita tak tersentuh, dari tata fana, bebaskan kita nuju pencarian pulang bumi. Menuliskan jilid kedua humanitas, buat mengganti seri yang lama yang musnah telah.
(perjalanan Jakarta-Indramayu, 2010)
September 13, 2010
the most in the world
What do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one who's probable to fix it? What can you do?
Fate.
Therefore, could only you fill a hole with what came out of it.
Therefore, could only you fill a hole with what came out of it.
We forget, sometimes, how much the world can hurt. It can hurt people we love, people we don't, people caught in the middle, even people who would give anything if they could just never, ever get hurt again. But sometimes the hurt can't be avoided. It's just coming at us and can't be stopped, it's in us and can't be seen, or is lying next to us in the dark waiting. But sometimes it doesn't come at all. Sometimes, we get this other thing that flutters down out of nowhere and stays just long enough to give us hope. Sometimes but rarely, barely, but just when we need it the most and expect it the least, we get a break. (this is taken from 'In Plain Sight').
August 5, 2010
a bait of memory
Ia mengisap rokok dalam-dalam. Aroma tembakau meluruhi ruangan.
"So whats the deal?" tanyanya.
Tak habis pikir aku sama sekali. Striker maniak macam dia bisa selalu menghabiskan tidak kurang dua bungkus rokok per hari."So whats the deal?" tanyanya.
"Kamu boleh ngudut tapi sebanyak aku saja," jawabku.
"You're not a smoker," katanya mengejek."I do smoke."
"Eventually, yes... Hahaha" ia mengacak ringan rambutku.
"At least try," aku melunak juga.
Tawa lagi. Namun ia tidak membantah. Maupun bicara sepatah.
Sebab saat bercakap dianggapnya sudah selesai.
It's a time for unspoken words.
Tangannya bergerak meraih gitar yang tergeletak di tempat tidur, lalu memainkannya.
I think there'll come a day when I won't miss or wonder about him anymore. But I guess today won't be it. Every atom of me miss him; so schlecht.
July 9, 2010
tuning up
anything you lose
comes in another form
another day
another way
another rhyme
another dance
another chance
another long, warm embrace
so do not grieve
see you there.
please do not grieve.
comes in another form
another day
another way
another rhyme
another dance
another chance
another long, warm embrace
so do not grieve
see you there.
please do not grieve.
February 27, 2010
fraternity forum
Lord jehovah
we extole Thee
we sing your praise
among the nations
drawing us into the
holiest communion
Elom Angelika
Yosafat Zebd Jacinda
Pirene Lizbeth Anselmus
Kay Trish Xu Savigno
we extole Thee
we sing your praise
among the nations
drawing us into the
holiest communion
Elom Angelika
Yosafat Zebd Jacinda
Pirene Lizbeth Anselmus
Kay Trish Xu Savigno
destruction
Tapi, mengapa harus selalu datang padaku yang terlarang?, bisiknya pada kegelapan.
Cinta yang terlarang dirasakannya seumpama buah yang memicu reaksi racun dalam saliva ketika ditelan. Buahnya sendiri sempurna tiada bercacat. Membuat liur terbersit. Ia selalu tergoda untuk mencicip.
Sedikit, segigit. Adiktif.
Lalu terjerat ia karena buah itu jahat—kejahatan tersembunyi.
Setelah menjerumuskannya dalam neraka tak bertepi, cinta itu menguap lenyap. Dirinya ditinggal, menjadi korban tunggal, seolah memang ia anak bengal yang layak dipenggal. Ia tidak mendapatkan peluang membeberkan alasan, atau menjelaskan.
Semua didoktrin hitam dan putih. Hanya ada lapisan teratas dan terbawah tanpa tengah.
Pun ia merasa dikhianati.
Sebab aforisme cinta berbalik menyerang, meracuni, menghabisi. Ia terhempas oleh kepercayaannya akan cinta yang sakra.
Kepercayaan yang telah dibangun melalui masa-masa pergulatan yang mewaktu.
Bahwa semua itu bermula pada hari-hari ketika hukum tentang cinta pertama kali dinubuatkan, membuat segalanya lebih buruk. Hukum tersebut mendefinisi siapa yang harus dicintai. Dan bagaimana caranya. Dan seberapa banyak. Kepicikan pragmatis.
Cinta yang terlarang dirasakannya seumpama buah yang memicu reaksi racun dalam saliva ketika ditelan. Buahnya sendiri sempurna tiada bercacat. Membuat liur terbersit. Ia selalu tergoda untuk mencicip.
Sedikit, segigit. Adiktif.
Lalu terjerat ia karena buah itu jahat—kejahatan tersembunyi.
Setelah menjerumuskannya dalam neraka tak bertepi, cinta itu menguap lenyap. Dirinya ditinggal, menjadi korban tunggal, seolah memang ia anak bengal yang layak dipenggal. Ia tidak mendapatkan peluang membeberkan alasan, atau menjelaskan.
Semua didoktrin hitam dan putih. Hanya ada lapisan teratas dan terbawah tanpa tengah.
Pun ia merasa dikhianati.
Sebab aforisme cinta berbalik menyerang, meracuni, menghabisi. Ia terhempas oleh kepercayaannya akan cinta yang sakra.
Kepercayaan yang telah dibangun melalui masa-masa pergulatan yang mewaktu.
Bahwa semua itu bermula pada hari-hari ketika hukum tentang cinta pertama kali dinubuatkan, membuat segalanya lebih buruk. Hukum tersebut mendefinisi siapa yang harus dicintai. Dan bagaimana caranya. Dan seberapa banyak. Kepicikan pragmatis.
_______________
catatan: merupakan alinea-alinea pada bab pertama novel TSDB, and been published here for sentimental reason
February 18, 2010
alligator/plagiator
Dua orang sahabat yang bersahabat erat, sebegitu erat, begitu erat sampai terasa mengharukan....sulit dipercaya ternyata ialah rendahan tidak berharga.
Camkan, I WILL HATE YOU TIL MY DYING DAY.
You should shame on yourselves.
Provided you can't have your word, don't use other's.
Sometimes we do borrow or quote another people's words, but definitely not in sort of cheap way.
Originality is one, big, prime. Genuine. No excuse for stealing.
For this fleeting earth sake! As a student in journalism school that suppose to know the rule of plagiarism, the boundary line >> just admit you are that disgusting.
Und un-involved me from your fancy friendship since I'm sick of its fuck fake. Heaven bless your servile dirt souls.
Camkan, I WILL HATE YOU TIL MY DYING DAY.
You should shame on yourselves.
Provided you can't have your word, don't use other's.
Sometimes we do borrow or quote another people's words, but definitely not in sort of cheap way.
Originality is one, big, prime. Genuine. No excuse for stealing.
For this fleeting earth sake! As a student in journalism school that suppose to know the rule of plagiarism, the boundary line >> just admit you are that disgusting.
Und un-involved me from your fancy friendship since I'm sick of its fuck fake. Heaven bless your servile dirt souls.
February 11, 2010
pure embodied spirit
good morning, dearest shooting star (altho there now you're up to midnight..)
thank you for the call last night, it's such bliss. a treasure moment, even a briefest moment i spent with you.
to hear your voice is reminiscing.
gazing each other, consideration hits me.
that am missing you on highest dose, where reasons are totally beyond.
i miss the valley. i miss the stone. i miss the weather. i miss the ting-a-ling. i miss the bench. i miss the poured rain. i miss your hand in my hair. i miss your existence, the most.
but i slept with smile.
because knowing you are last person i talked to before i end my day, does soothe.
they said to love is to receive a glimpse of heaven, i think it is.
every fear faded. entire friendshit matter, all faded. can always i turn to you.
(*) anw, i make this so not complicated that you shall just sit, start reading, and feel loved. understand you goin' through hard days and nights too. this's simply just a little note to remain, us as certain. for utter blank future probably?
thank you for the call last night, it's such bliss. a treasure moment, even a briefest moment i spent with you.
to hear your voice is reminiscing.
gazing each other, consideration hits me.
that am missing you on highest dose, where reasons are totally beyond.
i miss the valley. i miss the stone. i miss the weather. i miss the ting-a-ling. i miss the bench. i miss the poured rain. i miss your hand in my hair. i miss your existence, the most.
but i slept with smile.
because knowing you are last person i talked to before i end my day, does soothe.
they said to love is to receive a glimpse of heaven, i think it is.
every fear faded. entire friendshit matter, all faded. can always i turn to you.
(*) anw, i make this so not complicated that you shall just sit, start reading, and feel loved. understand you goin' through hard days and nights too. this's simply just a little note to remain, us as certain. for utter blank future probably?
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